Networking for People Who Hate Networking

I used to think networking was just professional schmoozing with a business card exchange.

You know the type. People who collect LinkedIn connections like Pokemon cards and slide into DMs with "I'd love to pick your brain over coffee."

That's not networking.

That's using people.

Real networking happens when you stop trying to network. When you focus on being genuinely helpful instead of collecting contacts. When you build relationships instead of hunting for opportunities.

If the word "networking" makes your skin crawl, this approach is for you.

Why Traditional Networking Feels Gross

Most networking advice treats people like vending machines.

Put in the right combination of charm and persistence, get out a job lead or business opportunity. It's transactional, manipulative, and exhausting.

The worst part? It works sometimes. Just enough to keep people doing it.

But there's a better way. One that doesn't require you to become someone you're not or pretend to care about things you don't.

The Minimalist Approach to Connection

Instead of networking, think relationship building. Instead of collecting contacts, focus on being useful. Instead of asking what people can do for you, ask what you can do for them.

Here's how this looks in practice:

• Share what you're learning. Writing about your creative process, your failures, your breakthroughs. People connect with the journey, not just the destination. When someone sees you working through a problem they're facing, that's the beginning of a real connection.
• Help without keeping score. Answer questions in forums. Share resources. Make introductions when they make sense. Do this because it's useful, not because you expect something back. The returns come, but not in ways you can predict or force.
• Be consistent, not pushy. Show up regularly in the spaces where your kind of people gather. Comment thoughtfully on posts. Share genuinely useful things. Let people get to know you slowly, naturally.
• Actually care about the work. Engage with ideas, not just people. Respond to the substance of what someone's saying, not just to get their attention. Ask questions because you're curious, not because you're networking.

Where to Find Your People

Forget about being everywhere. Pick a few places and show up consistently:

• Your own platform first. Whether it's a blog, newsletter, or social account, make your home base somewhere you control. Create things people want to share. Make it easy for the right people to find you.
• Communities, not broadcasting platforms. Look for places where people actually talk to each other. Small forums, Discord servers, thoughtful Twitter conversations. Places where you can be a person, not a brand.
• The margins of bigger conversations. Don't try to jump into the main stage discussions. Find the interesting side conversations. That's where real connections happen.

What Actually Works

Lead with value. When you reach out to someone, make it about them, not you. Share something they'd find useful. Ask a question that shows you've been paying attention to their work. Make their day a little better.

Follow up like a human. "Hope this helps" beats "Let's circle back to synergize" every time. Be direct. Be brief. Be real.

Remember what matters to people. Not their job title or follower count—their actual interests, their challenges, what they're working on. This is how you have conversations instead of pitches.

Give credit generously. When someone helps you, mentions you, or inspires an idea, say so publicly. People remember who acknowledges them.

The Long Game

This approach is slower than traditional networking. You won't fill your calendar with coffee chats or collect hundreds of business cards.

But the relationships you build will be real. People will remember you because you were helpful, not because you were persistent. They'll think of you when opportunities come up because they genuinely like your work, not because you've been following up every month.

Most importantly, you'll actually enjoy the process. Instead of forcing conversations with people you don't really want to talk to, you'll find yourself in discussions about things you care about with people who get it.

Start Small, Stay Human

Pick one person whose work you genuinely admire. Find a way to be useful to them this week. Share their work, answer a question they've asked, send them something relevant you found.

Don't ask for anything. Don't mention what you do unless it comes up naturally. Just be helpful.

Do this a few times. Notice how different it feels from traditional networking. Notice how much easier it is to be yourself when you're not trying to get something.

That's the beginning of real networking.

Not the business card kind.

The human kind.

The kind that actually matters.

Thanks for reading!
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